Expect Less & Appreciate More in Your Marriage
This week we have been in TRANSITION and honestly, it reminded me of the early days (i.e. the first 5 weeks of Ryer's life). As a family we are all just trying to find our groove, be helpful, and not kill each other.
Between the back breaking work of physically moving and the emotional stress of running out of diapers without knowing where the box of more is (a nightmare), hubs and I had to work extra hard this week to remain on the same team. Because here is what happens when we are hurled into an uncomfortable situation where we feel tired, vulnerable, and insecure- WE LASH OUT! Especially to the people we love the most.
So I am going to paint a picture of what one evening during our move looked like...
I swear I unpacked like a thousand boxes all while keeping my 1-year old alive #momwin.
My husband baby-proofed the whole house, changed lightbulbs, hauled stuff, replaced all the fire alarms etc.
When we came back together at the end of this ridiculously long day, we were both tired and DID NOT ONCE acknowledge each others hard work. TBH in my mind I was the VIP of the day and he just changed a few batteries. TBH he thought I just played with Ryer all day. Without even saying much to each other- we were irritated with one another.
I'll cut to the end, I swallowed my angry pride and thanked him for baby proofing the house. He then thanked me for unpacking and watching our little-guy.
Once I was less annoyed I was able to take my blinders off and see that if my husband didn't do the work that he did - our child would not have been able to safely roam around the house - which MATTERS!
I tell you this long-winded story for an extremely important reason. Couples go through this bullshit cycle of lack of validation --> annoyance --> bickering ALMOST EVERY DAY! This unhealthy dynamic alone can seriously crush a marriage and do major damage on ones esteem and sex-life.
Honestly? When was the last time you had a situation or altercation with your partner that mirrors this exactly? (this it the part where everyone in the room raises their hand).
So take a page out of my playbook- SAY THANK YOU! Want more validation and appreciation?
THEN GIVE MORE!