How Being a Stay at Home Mom Affects Your Marriage
So here it is - the number 1 unhealthy dynamic I see with working husbands and stay at home moms.
COMPETITION, resentment, and a general feeling of unworthiness.
Let's start with competition. The classic who is doing more in a day, who is working harder, and keeping score for tasks. Here is the big danger in this trap- if you are competing you are clearly not on the same team (ouch). My simplest antidote for this never-ending cycle is appreciation! Make a conscious effort to appreciate your hubs more, and naturally he will start doing the same to you!
On to the next, a definite buzzword in the relationship world, resentment.
I'lll be honest, this semi-ties in with the competitive aspect of your relationship but resentment has its own fun (not) spin. Each party starts to resent what the other is doing in a day. You are at home covered in puke, slightly envious (admit it) of your husband who gets to gallivant off all day. On the flip side, your husband is in the daily grind thinking you are just at home watching frozen- and becomes resentful. Want to know the filling of this resentment sandwich? FINANCES! Let's do some basic math shall we- without your income I can guarantee your cash flow has decreased, which in itself can cause resentments.
** DISCLAIMER - if you are a US momma, I feel ya, I value you, and I wish your company was paying ya**
And lastly, a general sense of unworthiness. I am humbled to talk to a lot of different types of mommas but one thing that I have noted that my stay at home mommas have in common is lower self- esteem. Here are my thoughts on this- think about your life pre- bundle. Most likely you left the house every day and did things. While you were out- let's say working a 9-5, you were receiving praise and validation ALL DAY LONG! Your boss gives you a good job, you sign a client, you get complimented on your outfit. At the end of the day you probably received about 50 validations just for being YOU! Think about your life now, do you receive 50 validating comments in a day? I don't know about your toddler but mine certainly doesn't tell me he likes my shoes. This lack of praise and an overall lessened daily validation does a NUMBER on a woman. I hope reading this makes you feel validated!! There is a reason you maybe aren't feeling fly AF these days. Here is my top tip- put yourself in environments and communities where you feel seen, heard, and valued! Stumped? Try a yoga class, a MOPS group, a baby swim class. When you get there- compliment someone, because goodness knows they need it too!
What do you think? Do you fit into one or (more likely) probably all of these categories? The good news- that means that you and hubs are experiencing what so many do (yay- you are not alone) and equally as good news is that these cycles are meant to be broken!
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